I have a recurring dream that feels so liberating. I can’t remember every detail of the dream, but what I do remember is that I am running, freely and effortlessly, a long distance in a marathon. It’s exhilarating and liberating. I’m noticing the large peaceful trees as I pass. I’m noticing the other runners around me that I am in friendly competition with. Suddenly, I realize that I’m running! I mean, I’m actually running and I feel great! My bones aren’t hurting, my back isn’t aching, my knees aren’t cracking, I’m not getting shin splints and my breathing isn’t labored. In fact, I feel victorious and alive!
You should know that I hate running. There is a part of me that longs to run well. At my best health, I could run one lap around the track. I thought that was very exciting! At this point in life, I don’t even like to walk one lap around the track. So to run without effort and feel invigorated versus ill is amazing to me! But exactly what does my dream mean? I’ve been contemplating this for a while now, especially because I have had this dream more than once. As always, I’ve been reading quite a bit lately. I’ve been trying to learn how to honor my essential self as Martha Beck describes in her book, “Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live.” I’ve been learning to slow down my pace in life by practicing mindfulness and gratitude as instructed in “Inner Simplicity: 100 Ways to Regain Peace and Nourish Your Soul” by Elaine St. James. So finding meaning in this dream was not just for the sake of satisfying my curiosity, but in figuring out more about who I am and where I’m suppose to be going in life.
I suppose the obvious meaning of the dream is quite simply that I would really like to be able to run! But is there more? Gregg Levoy in his book "Callings: Finding and Following An Authentic Life," indicates that “most spiritual traditions clearly regard dreams as revelations from the gods, the soul, the Big Soup, and consider the act of separating waking life from dreams, the conscious from the unconscious, the same as tearing a plant from its roots (p.77).” In fact, he further postulates that dreams contain the meaning of what we should be. Ignoring or minimizing dreams is denying a part of our selves that longs to be heard. “In our dreams,” he states, “we roam far south of rational and well the west of
After doing a little dream work, completing an informal Gestalt dream analysis technique my graduate professor demonstrated for us during class (and that I now use with my clients), and, of course, consulting with my eldest daughter, Sabrina (who is wise beyond her years and whose insight I truly value), I’ve come to some conclusions about my running dream. I observed the fact that the runners I was amongst were friendly and not necessarily competing against me – we were all moving towards a similar goal. I also noticed how reflective and aware I was of my surroundings as well as my own physical process. As my daughter and I were walking through a local labyrinth, we had some time to talk about my dream. She and I noticed that in my dream there was no finish line and that I was moving along effortlessly. She pointed out that I had a tendency to overanalyze things (possibly because I was a former “G.A.T.E.” student she reflected). She told me to stop and look at the most obvious reason first. Well, that took me back to obvious fact that I want to run. Emphasis: want! As is not forcing things to happen. Sabrina...so wise.
So here’s what I think: I think this recurring dream is simply my essential self telling me to stop and smell the roses and that life is a journey not a destination. My dream serves as a reminder that, in the midst of reaching my goals, I don’t need to force myself nor overwhelm myself with trying to accomplish everything all at once. I need to remember that I’m amongst friends, and although we are often working towards similar, if not the same, goals, I do not have to be worried about keeping up. We are all working at our own pace and as long as we can stop to enjoy the process or journey, we will reach our goals in good time. The physical liberation I felt while observing my surroundings felt so good! I was practicing mindfulness in my dream and that was freeing. That freedom gave me the energy and passion I needed to go further and to feel happy while doing so.
I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to pass my MFT exams and to become licensed. This is all self-imposed of course, but never-the-less, I realize both the personal and professional doors becoming licensed will open for me. I push myself to do all that I can to gain the hours I need and become a good candidate for employment – and I know others do too. I have friends and colleagues working at multiple counseling centers, working during summers they would normally have off, and working long days in order to be able to submit those 3000 intern hours in a timely manner. The budget cuts and lack of funding are causing chaos in the world of interns (and others) right now. The pressure to finish is extreme! Personally, I feel the need to become licensed so that I can actually support my family. I know that being licensed isn’t the sole answer, but I certainly feel it will provide better opportunities which I so desperately need. I’m sure many of my colleagues can relate. Right now, I am so close yet so far away from my goal. I’m completing workshops, seeing clients, obtaining certifications, networking, and marketing myself, all in the hopes of getting to the next level. I’m trying to manage my career, my family’s needs, and my personal goals while maintaining some sense of composure. This goal directed behavior really makes it difficult to stop and smell the roses. However, it’s so important. Self-care is a critical component to balance and happiness, but so is enjoying the process which my essential self was conveying me through my running dream. If I can remember that slow and steady wins the race, then I can let go of the pressure I put on myself. Slowing down the pace, removing the pressure, and enjoying the journey will help me reach my goal. Thank you, essential self, for reminding me of this very important lesson.
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