The Importance of Self-Exploration and a Strong Sense of Self

I am certainly a good example of the pot calling the kettle black. If you were to ever observe me conducting therapy, there's a good chance that you would hear me telling my clients something like, “It’s important to know yourself well enough to know what does and does not work for you.” Yet in my personal life, I have recently realized that I’ve lost the sense of who I am. No wonder I feel lost! If we are not centered, it’s difficult to discern what the stuff we should be concerned about is. When we are solid in who we are and what we stand for, we become grounded which helps us to put the breaks on the chaos outside.

When did this loss begin? Well, I believe that, for me, this spiral out of control began when I finished graduate school. Suddenly, I felt like I was back at square one. Instead of feeling like I had accomplished something great, I felt like I was back at beginning. I became an intern with 3000 hours to accumulate. What a bummer! So many changes occurred after that point and yet I’ve continued to acquire hours. In fact, I have put so much of my focus on being finished with theses hours that I’ve neglected to notice and appreciate the journey I’ve been on. Not only have I failed to stop and smell the roses, but I’ve forgotten about taking care of myself. Ultimately, I’ve become depressed. Now that’s the superficial story, of course. What I haven’t mentioned is that I gave birth to my third child, my mom became ill and passed away from cancer, and my husband lost his job. Ultimately, however, the main part of what has convoluted things is my resistance to understanding the ever-evolving me and what I was beginning to stand for. (On a side note, my depression has, thankfully, improved.)

I began to notice, though, that I had lost the joy in life. I had no passion – for anything. I was also stuck between a rock and hard place. The only joy I could resonate with was with my family and I was interpreting that to mean that I wanted to stay home with my children more. Of course that was impossible because of our financial situation, so I became resentful of the fact that what I thought was my only passion was so far out of my reach. I have never been the person to not have purpose or meaning, but this season of my life was certainly blah. I observed other women who were driven and seemed to have purpose in their careers and I became envious! I would spend time with my friends who were able to stay at home with their children and I would crumble on the inside with heartache. On the political and religious front, I would close my eyes and stay neutral. I didn’t know myself well enough to know what I stood for anymore. Even my internal and interpersonal boundaries suffered. When my husband was happy, so was I! When he was mad, so was I! I was just floating by in life, coat-tailing on everyone else’s journey – what a horrible feeling.

I finally became so frustrated that I began to do some soul-searching. First, I realized I wasn’t taking good care of myself. Let me tell you: sleep is life saving! Second, I worked on just accepting where I was at in life not as written in stone, but as just a moment in time. I also began focusing on the here-and-now by not worrying about the future or staying stuck in the past. I also began reading a lot about self-care, spirituality, and passion and as I began to process the meaning behind what I was reading, I started to understand that what I was experiencing was not a indefinite loss of joy and passion, but a lack of understanding that I had changed as a person. I was no longer the same Kristy that I was in my twenties. I have definitely changed over time! Sadly, I have been spending way too much time being remorseful about what used to be that I have not taken the time to explore, develop, and strengthen the person I am today. I’ve realized it’s time for a little self-exploration to reorient myself to who I am, what I believe in, and what motivates me. It’s time to become best friends with ME and to appreciate all the things that I bring to the table and want to do in the future.

Without the understanding of who you are, you cannot move forward deliberately, consistently, and, ultimately, successfully. Unfortunately, many people are unaware of who they or what they stand for, yet they are able to move forward. What they don't realize, though, is that it’s a journey often wrought with a lot of disappointments, pain and regret; a life left undirected is sporadically sprinkled with haphazard joy and success. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Take control of your life and fine-tune the depth of your being. Take the time you need to get to know yourself and then take action. So I begin my new journey with a renewed hope and excitement: feelings that have eluded me for a long while now. If you haven't already done so and are feeling a little lost yourself, I encourage you to try a little self-exploration to find out who you are and what you stand for as well! Much success to you!

"Whenever there is a reaching down into innermost experience, into the nucleus of personality, most people are overcome by fear and many run away. . . The risk of inner experience, the adventure of the spirit, is in any case alien to most human beings. The possibility that such experience might have psychic reality is anathema to them."

Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)